Song of Solomon 2

I can totally identify with the woman’s words in chapter 2: “As an apricot tree stands out in the forest, my lover stands above the young men in town. All I want is to sit in his shade, to taste and savor his delicious love. He took me home with him for a festive meal, but his eyes feasted on me! Oh! Give me something refreshing to eat—and quickly! Apricots, raisins—anything. I’m about to faint with love! His left hand cradles my head, and his right arm encircles my waist!” (vs 3-6)

I will never forget the first time David held my hand. We were walking over a bridge in a city in England, and he reached down and slipped my hand into his, and I thought I was literally going to fly off the bridge. I think my stomach did a cartwheel. I can relate to the idea of feeling “faint with love”! However, as the years have passed, I have lamented more than once that I no longer get an electric shock when we touch.

There’s a reason we like to fall in love—because it feels good. And the reason it feels so good is phenethylamine, a hormone that floods our brain when we fall in love, leading to feelings of exhilaration and giddiness. (By the way, chocolate also triggers this hormone!) Researchers have found that this chemical spikes at the beginning of a budding love relationship but begins to decline after four or five years.

Guess what? Across several cultures, the rate of divorce spikes at about 4.5 years of marriage. As phenethylamine begins to wane, people mistakenly believe they are not “in love” anymore, or they have not taken the time during those first few years to build a strong foundation underneath all the giddy feelings—and once they’re gone, they move on to a new relationship in order to feel good again.

However, if some people would exercise a bit more patience during that transition period, they would discover that—also around the four-year mark—new pathways flooded with entirely different chemicals begin to take shape in the brain. One of these chemicals is oxytocin, a hormone that contributes to feelings of deep contentment, peace, and gratitude. (It is the same hormone related to the bonding of a mother with her infant.)

Some have suggested that this first four or five year phase is the attraction phase of a relationship, while what comes after is the attachment phase. But just because people choose to stay married more than five years doesn’t mean the “love” is lost forever. Researchers have discovered that the attraction phase cycles, and couples who have been married for a long time often experience the sensations of “falling in love” again—several times during their married life.

I really love this about God. I mean, we know He is all about the relationships. But now we have scientific evidence that He not only wants us to experience long-lasting love, but He has chemically hardwired us for that express purpose! And when we pursue love within the parameters He has designed, we will discover that there are no other drugs that can compare to the ones God has already put in our head.

Huh. Who knew you could read the Bible and come to the conclusion that it’s God who has all the best drugs?!