Proverbs 15

When our first daughter was about seven months old, we hit our first parenting “challenge” — sleep training. The difficult part of that came when Caroline just didn’t want to go down for her nap or when she became so tired that she would have trouble falling asleep. So, in order to help her learn to go to sleep on her own at that age, we decided to adopt the “Ferber method” of sleep training, which includes allowing your child to cry for very short intervals of time and not picking them up, but reassuring them that they are okay and safe.

This method worked brilliantly for Caroline, and she was soon going to sleep without any trouble. (And, although she tends to wake up before the sun every day, many years later, she still has no sleep problems.) I was glad she caught on so quickly, because whenever I think back to those days, I remember how difficult it was for me to let her cry (even for 30 seconds!) and not pick her up, Still, I persevered with sleep training because, even though difficult for me, I knew it was kind for her. Helping her learn to go to sleep without problems helped make her a well-rested, contented baby. And wasn’t only good for Mama, but it was great for her!

Although this is a very mild example, sometimes parents have to make tough decisions to help their children. I think of parents who must take a very hard line with children who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. Sometimes they have to cut all ties with their kids in order to help them “wake up” and realize that they’re in trouble. Sometimes they have to do things that look very harsh in order to be truly kind. And today’s chapter made it clear that God is willing to be included in that category: “Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path; the one who hates correction will die.” (vs 10)

This immediately made me think of one of my favorite New Testament passages from The Message Bible: “You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.” (Rom 2:3-4)

God is kind, but He’s not soft. Sometimes the kind thing is not the “nice” thing. Love is always kind, but it may not always be nice. Often, especially as God is dealing with a world mired in sin and rebellion, what is loving actually looks pretty harsh. It is worth remembering that, from God’s perspective, what He’s doing here is all one big intervention. He issues a lot of bottom lines, ultimatums, and threats.

But He does that for one reason and one reason only—so we will wake up, turn around, and get help. So we will hit our “bottom” and let Him pick us up. We have sometimes looked at these stern disciplinary measures employed by God (as recorded in Old Testament history) and accused Him of being vengeful, exacting, and severe. And that’s also what the heroin addict says of the parents who are threatening to kick him out of the house if he doesn’t get help. But we understand that the parents are simply willing to do whatever it takes to help their son stop destroying himself.

That’s also what God is up against. The end of verse 10 says “the one who hates correction will die.” For God, this is a matter of life and death. If His discipline is stern, if His correction is harsh, it is only because He’s desperate to bring us back to the path. When self-destruction is imminent, God won’t hesitate to host an intervention.

God is kind, but He’s not soft. It is out of kindness that He does what’s hard.